CONFESSION LETTER with supporting Q&A

Love,

I don't know from where to start, but after seeing your last message to my work e-mail titled “USED Vs LOVED” made me think and made me realize that I have to be honest with you if we are to be in good terms with our selves and later have peace of mind.

But before saying/writing what I want to share with you. I would like to state before you and before whom they are concerned that I was happy with you. You made me need nothing. You have well taken care of my needs. You have shown me love and what love means and on the other hand I am and was happy and greatful and appreciative.

For the past two years, i've realized that you are truelly a pure and decent woman and her only desire is to live in peace with your self and with others you love n care about and in simple terms and with content, which is a rare commodity nowadays and hard to find.

I am sure that I will not find a woman of your qualities and to loose you will be hard on me especially when I have lived with you for these years and knew you well and felt comfortable with you.

Having said that, I believe its time to share with you reason why I've decided to share this with you and what type of man I am.

The reason why I am sharing this with you love is because of care & love. Another, is I hate to see you suffer with me later and regret every moment you spent it or invested with/on me. Everyday, I feel guilt within me of not revealing to you the real me. Inspite of the fact the fact I am a man with a great sense of responsibility, passion and understanding, I am a man whom like to be free and under no control. This is not to say that you have ever thought of controlling my actions, but this is my nature despite of the many times i've tried to change, I failed. May be its me that does not want to change or may be its my nature. But I do believe that when a person want to change, he can despite of all desires. I sometimes feel I am a bad man and so extreme when compared with other men and I feel sorry for my self.

I have sensed lately that your were suspicious of about my actions towards the net and whether I have female friends and my answer always is that I have quite all my sites and I pretend that I am doing my work, where I am actually either chatting, messaging or viewing friends profile while you are viewing yours too, where yours were of the same sex, which is unlike mine. That is to say, your suspiciousions were right and I hereby confess before you.

Its hard on a man to come forward and confess with such before his love and its even more harder on a woman to hear or read such confession from the man she thought that she is willing to do anything to please him.

Having said/written this, I believe its hard on you to love and be in relation with a man with such character like me.

In the end, I am so sorry for the pain and heartache that you might get because of this confession, but I always believe its better now than later. There will be another sunny day tomorrow.

To help me fully understand your situation and be able to give my advise I would like from to answer the following questions with total honesty.

Q1. Do you love her?

A1. I do

Q2. What love means to you?

A2. Love is a state where I feel belonging and attached to someone and gives me the energy to accomplish things in my way with ease.

Q3. What do you think her meaning of love?

A3. I believe its in the same manner but even more in a sense of more care towards me.

Q4. Do you show your love and how do you show it?

A4. Yes I do...I show it by being understanding and sharing her concerns and ensure that her necessity things are fulfilled.

Q5. How do you think show her love?

A5. I believe its the same, but with ensuring that my needs are fulfilled to up most extent possible.

Q6. Why you want to tell her of your secret cyber friends if you knew that this would upset her if she her self have cyber friends too?

A6. Actually I don't know why, but realizing that she loves me so much, and since we have been for almost two years, I believe that its better for her to know now before its too late and make her realize that I might not be the right man if this kind of behavior is not accepted by her as I have felt lately. Her cyber friends are all female, which is unlike me and that why I feel guilty.

Q7. What do you mean by being free? Please explain

A7. I am a man that does not like to be under any sort of control...i simply want to be where and when I want to be without being questioned why as long as its within permissible limits accepted by society and culture...that is not to say that she had ever thought of controlling or directing me in any sort..yes she sometimes asks or demands to know where and when I will be back which something I accept as long it does not get out of the acceptable norm...and beside, I ensure that I arrive home at times that is also acceptable and in case I am late, I leave note or call her.

Q8. If you really feel guilty as you said, then why don't you stop instead of telling her and avoid all this miss...why make it so difficult on you and her?

A8. I just cant stop....this me and this who I am...this is not to say that I don't love her...i do, but in a nut shell this is me...i want to be free and land where I want...you may think of me as arrogant or selfish...this is also true and I accept.

Q9. Do you realize that by this behavior you might loose her forever? Are ready for this? And what this would impact you and her?

A9. Yes I do...and yes I am willing to accept any circumstances that might come and sure I will feel sad and unhappy about it and even more on her and she might not trust any man ever and I wish not.

Q10. Do you think that she might accept your way of living?

A10. I honestly don't know...but I guess not.

Q11. In case she accepts your way of living, what does this means to you?

A11. It will be a surprise to me if she accepts...but I will be glad if she does but I doubt...it means that she decides because of many reasons.

Q12. What are these reasons do you think?

A12. Well, the first thing that comes to my mind is because of her love to me. The second is may be because of money since I am 100% responsible of all financial manners from A-Z.

Q13. What do you mean by because of money?

A13. Well, she is an expat and I've known her here in Bahrain while she is working in our company as a secretary and I know how much her salary compared to mine and knowing the living nature of female expat here where majority are struggling to find a person to take care of them and ensure their main needs while they save their money or help their family back home.

Q14. What do you mean by she could be thinking same as those other expat female in your country?

A14. I am sorry if my answer seems rude or unfair towards them. But this is the fact that everybody knew and you may explore it your self and find out what I am telling is true or false and I wish I am wrong. I meant that she realizing that she will not get the man she knew before, she may change her strategy just for the sake of living here and getting her needs till she feels that its time to leave and start a new life. This is something I hate and would not take the risk of being fooled and I will participate in such a game....once again for such rude words...but I am trying to honest and open minded towards this issue.

Q15. Do you think that she is one this nature?

A15. I don't think so, but the question that should be asked, why would a woman accept that her partner be free to do anything? The answer is no real woman would accept this no matter what...if this is the case, then why she accepts...is it because of love...may be...is because of money...also may be...so the best answer is yet to be known once I confront her with my confession....however, if you manage to get a female opinion in this, that would help a lot.

Q16. Will you accept to be with her if she accept who you are?

A16. Yes, but I will be very much careful and on the watch of any change of behavior. The reason is and based on the so many stories I have heard from my fellow Bahrain's that their partner start developing relationships as a sign of revenge while they are living with them under the same roof...well for me...this unacceptable and definitely the moment I even feel a thing, she is out of my live.

Q17. If she accepts who you are, then why don't accept who is she?

A17. Well, I accept who she is once she is not anymore related to me. However, if she is living under my roof, then she must accept and respect the man she is with.

Q18. Do you have anything to add that might help me draw my conclusion and advise?

A18. Yes, we are of the same age..i am 36 and she is 34 and we are both singles.